More Being Less Doing in 2014

I am a champion  list maker.  Need food?  Create a grocery list.  Trying to eat healthy?  Make a weekly menu.  Going on a trip?  Jot down a packing list.  Have a bunch of things to accomplish?  Make a To Do list for the day.  I have found that making lists simplifies my life, keeps me from forgetting things and helps me be more efficient with my time.  I believe in the organizational benefits of writing things down; when I write things down I am less forgetful and I don't find myself in the middle of the canned goods aisle wracking my brain to remember why I entered the store in the first place.  When I enter appointments in my calendar I am less likely to miss a fun class at the gym or a lunch date with a friend.  Most of the time when I am able to cross things off my lists I experience pleasure and a sense of accomplishment.  There have been times, however, when my list appears long and overwhelming and instead of relief, I feel burdened and disheartened by the prospect of getting through it all.  Perhaps you too have experienced crossing over that fine line between accomplishment and defeat when it comes to getting things done.  The start of a New Year often cues people to begin a list of resolutions or things they would like to accomplish before the year's end.  Your list might include losing a few pounds, joining (and going to) the gym, spending less and saving more.  Most people have the best of intentions when they create To Do life lists.  This writing is not going to be a short course on how to get organized and create the ultimate to do list, rather I invite you to create less To Do and more To Be in 2014.  

Attending to the To Do list is all good, but at the extreme, we may get so caught up in the process of ticking things off the list,  primed to tackle the next item that we lose sight of the bigger picture--this moment right now.  We all live with the demands of modern life:  Many people work long hours and take less time for vacation.  With our days overbooked we can remain attached to our smart devices long into the night.  TVs and computers add to the visual and cognitive overload with the press of a button.  Our thoughts are continuously bombarded with information, choices and decision-making scenarios.  As a result, we may feel out of balance, constantly racing to catch up and in a state of reactivity to the demands in our lives.  For many people a buzz of anxiety hums just below the surface in their day-to-day existence.  When we are caught up in our lists or phones or computers or heads, we miss out on experiencing the zone of enjoyment, connection and bliss.  Many people feel that it is impossible to live a balanced life, that is, creating a satisfied life while pursuing a career while juggling the demands of a relationship or family.  In my work with my clients, I help them to identify some of the internal dialogues or barriers which keep them from creating a more balanced and present life. Here's the short list of some of the common themes folks experience which keeps them on the To Do treadmill.

Self Worth:  Since we were children, much of our self-worth has been linked to our accomplishments.  We were praised for our achievements on the soccer field or in the classroom.  As adults we often introduce ourselves by what we do.  This can lead to a sense of feeling valued for what we do not who we are.  When we measure our own sense of value by what we've acquired, it is easy to remain spinning on the wheel to work longer, harder and faster to accumulate as much as we can.  

Inner Gremlin:  So many of my clients experience a relentless inner critic.  This is the voice which chides and berates you for not doing or accomplishing what you "could" or "should."  Each of us has an internalized set of beliefs (that may have come from our parents) about duty, responsibility, expectation, and productivity.  When the Inner Gremlin has the mike, chances are you feel driven, demoralized and discouraged.  When you are able to recognize the voice of the Gremlin and make a conscious choice to silence the inner critic and instead offer yourself compassion and kindness, you will experience more joy in your life.  

Going Unconscious:  Many people don't realize that they are operating in an unconscious state for the majority of their day.  How many times have you been caught up in your thoughts while driving that you've missed your exit off the freeway?  Does your child or partner frequently ask you "Were you listening to me just now?"  Ever consumed a bag of cookies or chips while sitting in front of the TV and not realized what you were doing until you rattled the empty bag?  When we become unconscious, we lose track of the here and now.  When we lose track of the priority of being present, just noticing and experiencing the moment, we sink back into the slog of unconsciousness.  

Monkey Mind:  This is a Buddhist concept and  refers to the inner chatter we have regarding concern about the future (anxiety) and rumination about the past (depression).  When we are caught in up "Doing" we are in the midst of monkey mind--concerned about the struggle of achievement, anticipation or loss.  It's pretty much impossible to banish monkey mind completely, but spending some time each day in quiet meditation--calming your mind by focusing on your breath or a simple mantra--will train your brain to manage your thoughts.  Over time your thoughts will become more peaceful and quiet.

So once you've identified your set of internal barriers, how do you spend more time in Being?  We are always in a state of doing--our minds process and our bodies move.  Clearly the answer is not about shutting off the Doing, which is impossible, but rather becoming conscious of how we relate to our activities.  Are we attached to our actions or can we step outside our thoughts and just observe and notice?  Rodney Yee, coauthor of Yoga:  The Poetry of the Body and yoga instructor notes "You can learn to be and do at the same time.  If you're flowing down a river, you're just being, yet you're moving downstream.  The present moment is like that.  If you concentrate your attention in the moment, you're totally present, yet it's not stagnant or fixed.  The stillness is the state of mind that observes the movement."   When we are in this state of stillness we are free of the concerns of the past and the worries about the future.   Another cue for yourself as to when you are in a state of Being is identifying when do you feel most alive.  For some people it is when they are engaged in yoga, really connecting their bodies with breath.  For others, it is when they walk or run in nature.  Some people feel connected to being when playing with their children or grandchildren.  For many people they feel alive when they engage in meditation.  Whatever the activity, you enter the zone of "Being" when you feel open, relaxed, and engaged.  You experience a sense of enjoyment, fulfillment and alignment.  You are in the moment and you feel present and authentic. When you are in this space, it is likely you feel relaxed and content.  There is no tension in your body or face.  Your breathing is easy and free.  

In this new year, I invite you to become aware of when you have allowed yourself to enter any of the Doing treadmill states listed above.  When you recognize you've been hooked, gently bring your attention to your breath and truly notice the activity you are engaged in.  For example, if you are washing the dishes, really notice the sensation of the warm water on your hands, the heaviness of the pan, the fluff of the bubbles and silently tell yourself "just washing,"  Try to maintain your focus on the act rather than allowing your thoughts to zoom ahead to the next project.  Or as you read this, feel yourself in your chair, notice your feet in your shoes planted on the floor, your legs and back against the cushions.  Notice your breath and the way you hold your shoulders.  Bring your awareness to the moment.  In becoming more engaged with your daily experience you will notice more and as a result you will experience more gratitude and joy in your life.  When we allow ourselves to slow down and reconnect with ourselves and others, we experience deeper contentment and happiness.  With less focus on Doing this year, I wish you a consciously engaged, abundant, healthy and joyful 2014.  

“The best way to capture moments is to pay attention.  This is how we cultivate mindfulness.  Mindfulness means being awake. It means knowing what you are doing.” 

                                              --Jon Kabat-Zinn