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Moms Talk: Loving One Kid More Than Another

Share the love?

Let's get it right out there: Is it OK to admit you love one kid more than the others?

This mom owned up to it in a recent babble.com blog post:

It’s something I’ve been thinking about for a very long time, but I’ve been too afraid to say. I can’t be the only one out there who feels this way, though. Because moms aren’t perfect. Maybe we pretend that we are in front of other moms, lest we be judged for our failings. But we do all have them. And so…I’ve taken a deep breath, and I’m going to share.

I think I love my son just a little bit more than my daughter.

The author, "KATETIETJE," goes on to explain that she simply finds it easier to "gravitate" toward her 20-month-old son instead of her 3-year-old daughter for a variety of reasons.

Of course, reaction to the post has been swift. Many people have chastised the author for her harsh words — after all, her daughter might read that post one day.

Still, others have credited her honesty, even empathized.

Emily Paster April 27, 2011 at 03:50 PM
I actually read that blog post when it appeared. I was astonished at the ferocity of the comments. The post gave quite a bit of context to the author's bold statement, which many of the commenters ignored. I for one was impressed by her brutal honesty. I would not say that I love one of my children more than the other but I will say that my love for them takes on different forms. My daughter and I clash more than her brother and I do. She and I are similar and know how to push each other's buttons. It's partly because she is older and partly because of our personalities. I don't love my son more, but we have a less complicated relationship. Admitting that scares me but if I'm being honest, I would have to acknowledge it.
Patricia O'Shea April 27, 2011 at 04:34 PM
I think I would admit it if I didn't love them equally, but I truly do. I think if you spend equal time with both/all you have a better chance to bond equally. For awhile my husband was doing the nighttime routine with my son every night and I had our daughter . It wasn't good for anyone. Now that we alternate the love is a flowing!
Brooke Randazzo Eggert April 27, 2011 at 09:03 PM
I don't think that's something one should admit, at least not in a context where it can read, archived and brought up later. Perhaps in a conversation with her friends, but not somewhere her kids could eventually read it. That has to be heartbreaking later on in life. I also wonder, is it really the love that's not equal or is it how much she likes/gets along with the different kids. Certainly most parents gravitate towards one kid or the other based on personalities and interests. And that's ok. As long as you're giving attention to the other kids and you're not ignoring them because you don't share interests, then I don't see a problem. I guess because I can't imagine loving one more than the other, but I can see enjoying spending time/activities with one over the other. If one of my sons likes to play Scrabble and watch hockey games and the other doesn't, I'll spend more time doing these activities with the son who does. But I will always make sure to try things my other son likes and enjoys.
Jennifer Moore April 28, 2011 at 02:19 PM
I can honestly say I do not love one of my children more than another and frankly, I guess I don't get how that may happen. Each child is certainly different and therefore there may be differences in approach(es) to each child. With different strengths and weaknesses, gender, ages, learning styles, health condtitions, and on and on, it would be unfair to the child to not recognize each as an individual. This should, however, not be confused with love for the child. Simply, it is how we see and greet the child as self. Perhaps there are some mothers (or fathers, grandparents) out there who truly have favorites and for that, the "unfavorite" will surely not be ignorant and will likely, if not already be promised insecurity and potentially a disruption in the relationship betweeen or among other siblings.

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